Overcome Imposter Syndrome, Stop Feeling Like a Phony, and Reclaim Your Worth Using These 10 Tips!
What do you do when Imposter Syndrome creeps in?
Let’s start with what is Imposter Syndrome? According to www.verywellmind.com Impostor syndrome refers to an internal experience of believing that you are not as competent as others perceive you to be. While this definition is usually narrowly applied to intelligence and achievement, it has links to perfectionism and the social context.
To put it simply, imposter syndrome is the experience of feeling like a phony—you feel as though at any moment you are going to be found out as a fraud—like you don't belong where you are, and you only got there through dumb luck. It can affect anyone no matter their social status, work background, skill level, or degree of expertise.
Here is the reality, it can happen to any of us at any given time. So what do you do when you feel imposter syndrome creeping into your mind?
You could try to “prove” you are worthy of the job, the title, the grade, the love, by working extra hard and doing even more than expected on a project or in relationships. but honestly, that does nothing to combat the mindset that you aren’t really worthy of it. It will just exhaust you. Or Prove your knowledge and alienate those you are trying to fit in with … (like the Rookie FF I mention in the podcast)
Instead, you might want to try these as suggested as shared from verywellmind.com along with my added thoughts in italics:
Share your feelings. Talk to other people about how you are feeling. These irrational beliefs tend to fester when they are hidden and not talked about. Especially if you have trusted friends who are entrepreneurs there is a good chance they have felt it too! They will probably remind you of why you are amazing and totally NOT an imposter :)
Focus on others. While this might feel counterintuitive, try to help others in the same situation as you. If you see someone who seems awkward or alone, ask that person a question to bring them into the group. As you practice your skills, you will build confidence in your own abilities. Approaching anything being others focused is always a cure for our insecurities! Shine the light on others and you won’t be self-conscious about your own needs.
Assess your abilities. If you have long-held beliefs about your incompetence in social and performance situations, make a realistic assessment of your abilities. Write down your accomplishments and what you are good at, and compare that with your self-assessment. Write down your past achievements, your wins, times when you totally rocked it out. If you’ve done the StrengthsFinders Assessment this might be a good time to review your Top 10.
Take baby steps. Don't focus on doing things perfectly, but rather, do things reasonably well and reward yourself for taking action. For example, in a group conversation, offer an opinion or share a story about yourself. Don’t try to prove yourself - just add to the conversation in a normal way.
Question your thoughts. As you start to assess your abilities and take baby steps, question whether your thoughts are rational. Does it make sense that you are a fraud, given everything that you know? Do you think this because of what someone else has said?? 1 comment can throw us into a downward spiral! Who was that person?? Why let them have power over you?
Stop comparing. Every time you compare yourself to others in a social situation, you will find some fault with yourself that fuels the feeling of not being good enough or not belonging. Instead, during conversations, focus on listening to what the other person is saying. Be genuinely interested in learning more. People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care. Have you ever left a conversation with a new person and thought how amazing they were - what you later realized is they barely talked, but instead let you talk and they actively listened - learn to be that person!
Use social media moderately. We know that the overuse of social media may be related to feelings of inferiority. If you try to portray an image on social media that doesn't match who you really are or that is impossible to achieve, it will only make your feelings of being a fraud worse. Sign off for a few days if you have to - or hide people - I’ve had to hide my friends when they were doing better than me in network marketing. (I told them this as we were still friends in real life!) Remember, you are comparing your behind-the-scenes and bloopers to someone else's highlight reel.
Stop fighting your feelings. Don't fight the feelings of not belonging. Instead, try to lean into them and accept them. It's only when you acknowledge them that you can start to unravel those core beliefs that are holding you back. This might be a good time to reach out to a trusted friend or coach and talk it through.
Refuse to let it hold you back. No matter how much you feel like you don't belong, don't let that stop you from pursuing your goals. Keep going and refuse to be stopped. Remember, it can happen to all of us occasionally - even extremely successful people so it’s normal! Just don’t stay there and let it overwhelm you!
Remember - God made you with unique gifts & talents and with some quirks & flaws. Together they make up YOU, and the world needs YOU to share your gifts and talents - there are people out there who will be your people and love you even more because of your quirks and flaws. Embrace it all! BUT most importantly remember You Are Enough!
Listen to the Full Podcast here or find Uncharted Entrepreneurs on your favorite podcast platform!
Lightly Edited Transcription:
Sheri 0:04
Hi, and welcome back to the Uncharted Entrepreneurs Podcast. I'm your host, Sheri Miter. Today we're going to continue our series on kicking those feelings of mental clutter and overwhelm to the curb. Because as entrepreneurs, we're always going to get felt like they just, they creep in, they don't go away. So we need to learn how to fix them. So we're going to continue that series today. And it's a biggie, a biggie solution, because we're going to talk about imposter syndrome today. But if you're new to the show, welcome.
Sheri 0:38
Welcome. I am your host, Sheri Miter. And if you don't know me, you can check out my info on my website, sherrimiterco.com. But I am so glad you're here. I'm glad you found this show. And I appreciate you all for being here. So let's jump into the rest of our series. So again, we're continuing our series on how to kick those feelings of mental clutter that chaos and overwhelm to the curb. And again, it's gonna happen if you are an entrepreneur, or just a successful career person or a mom or anybody really. We're going to have days that we feel that way. But when we can recognize why we are feeling that way, then that gives us the tools to fix it or get rid of it. And if you haven't been following the series, just a quick review (these are all from season two): Episode 32 - we talked about how just journaling and doing brain dumps and getting really centered, or using some practical strategies I shared with what I was doing that day can help you. In Episode 33, I shared the goal to the map process because when you have a clear strategy, you will have a clear mind. And in Episode 34, we talked about how education and knowledge can give you the power to overcome mental anxiety. And again, today we are going to jump in to imposter syndrome: what it is, how to combat it..what are the signs and symptoms - all of that. Because that is one that I definitely see. You know, I've experienced it many times in my career, I see it with all different career people, entrepreneurs, everybody. And here's the thing, it doesn't matter how successful you are, you can suffer from imposter syndrome. And it can definitely give you that feeling of overwhelm. When I googled imposter syndrome, there were over 5,520,000 results that popped up. What does that tell me? That tells me that there's a lot of us googling imposter syndrome. And it's real and it's ugly. And again, it can cause major overwhelm for entrepreneurs. And can I share a secret with you? So there are days that I totally feel like an imposter at podcasting. It goes in waves, there are days I wonder, Is anybody going to care? Even what I'm talking about? And what I'm sharing? Am I going to have enough knowledge to share with people? Especially when you're doing 100 days of podcasting every single day? That thought enters my brain a lot. I wonder are people not going to want to listen to me because they don't like the sound of my voice. Or do they make fun of me because I can't pronounce words sometimes or I forget what I'm saying right in the middle of a sentence. Maybe because I say um, and like - all those things I say a lot. You know, I repeat myself. Yeah. All the thoughts, the imposter syndrome. I remember a few months ago, I think it was about four months. No, we were like three months into podcasting. And we were celebrating 1,000 downloads. I was like Woohoo, you know, 1,000 downloads. Meanwhile, another podcasting acquaintance of mine was celebrating 10,000 downloads. So that's when imposter syndrome creeps in is when we're comparing ourselves to other people.
Sheri 4:40
When I googled imposter syndrome and found those 5 million results, one of the articles I found was from www.verywellmind.com and they had a great article about impostor syndrome. And you know what, I'm going to share a lot from what they said and add in my own two cents. So first of all, what is the definition of imposter syndrome? So imposter syndrome refers to an internal experience of believing that you are not as competent as others perceive you to be. Well, this definition is usually narrowly applied to intelligence and achievement. It has links to perfectionism and the social context. To put it simply, imposter syndrome is the experience of feeling like a phony. You feel as though at any moment, you're going to be found out as a fraud, like you don't belong where you are, and you only got there through dumb luck. It can affect anyone, no matter their social status, work background, skill level or degree of expertise. So that is the definition of imposter syndrome. And I really want to emphasize some of the words there, you know, it is a feeling. So it's not really happening, it's your perceived thoughts on the situation. And that's the key thing. It's what we're perceiving, how we're perceiving things, and what we're feeling, which usually when we use those words, they're not even real.
Sheri 6:22
What are the characteristics of imposter syndrome? So some of the most common signs of imposter syndrome include self doubt, an inability to realistically assess your competence and skills, attributing your success to external factors, berating your performance, fear that you won't live up to expectations, overachieving, sabotaging your own success, self doubt, and setting very challenging goals and feeling disappointed when you fall short. Okay, raise your hands. Anybody ever experienced those? Like, if you could see me right now I have both hands raised. Yay. Yes. Been there, done that have the T shirt, right? If you think you might have imposter syndrome happening right now, here are some questions you can ask yourself: Do you agonize over even the smallest mistakes or flaws in your work? Do you attribute your success to luck or outside factors? Are you very sensitive to even constructive criticism? I mean, nobody really wants to be criticized, but sometimes when we're feeling that imposter syndrome that we're highly sensitive to constructive criticism. Do you feel like you will inevitably be found out as a phony? Like you're just waiting? You just know one of these days somebody's going to come in and say you you're a phony, you don't belong here. And the last one, do you downplay your own expertise, even in areas where you are genuinely more skilled than others? Those are some questions you can ask yourself if you feel like you have imposter syndrome.
Sheri 8:21
Continuing on with some of the information that I found on verywellmind.com. I love this. And this talks about the different types of imposter syndrome that there are. I didn't even know there were different types. So here are a few that they identify: The perfectionist - so perfectionists are never satisfied and always feel that their work could be better. Rather than focus on their strengths, they tend to fixate on any flaws or mistakes. This often leads to a great deal of self pressure and high amounts of anxiety. The second one is the superhero. Because these individuals feel inadequate, they feel compelled to push themselves to work as hard as possible. These individuals are always trying to learn more and are never satisfied with their level of understanding. Even though they are often highly skilled, they underrate their own expertise. Then there's the natural genius; these individuals set excessively lofty goals for themselves, and then feel crushed when they don't succeed on their first try. And then we have the soloist, these people tend to be very individualistic and prefer to work alone. Self worth often stems from their productivity, so they often reject offers of assistance. They tend to see asking for help as a sign of weakness or incompetence. Oh, and I don't know about you, but I can see times in my life that I've experienced all those different types of imposter syndrome.
Sheri 10:06
So what do we do about it? We've identified it, we see ourselves, and we've asked the question. So now what? How do we combat imposter syndrome? You could try proving you are worthy of the job, the title, the grade, the love, by working extra hard and doing even more than expected on a project or in relationships. But honestly, that does nothing to combat the mindset that you aren't really worthy of the thing. And it will just exhaust you. So that's not the answer. Because again, most of this is happening in our mind, it is not real. It's not how others are perceiving the situation; it's how we perceive it. So trying to just prove ourselves isn't going to help at all. Again, it only exhausts us. The other thing you could do is prove your knowledge by sharing it with everybody. But you know what, a lot of times when you do, that you're going to alienate those you're trying to impress, those you're trying to fit in with.
Sheri 11:18
My husband and I were just talking about this. He's a professional firefighter. They just had a new group of rookies join the department. And there's always one that hasn't been mentored to just come in and keep your mouth shut for a short while. Now luckily, my husband when he was a new firefighter, he had an uncle who was a firefighter. And he mentored him and coached him and said, "when you come on the job for like, your first (I don't even know the timeframe) three months, six months, a year - just keep your mouth shut, like don't say anything." But every time they have a new group coming in, like I said, there's always one in the crowd who you know has imposter syndrome. And they're trying to prove themselves by proving all the stuff that they've done in the past and impress people with these actions that they've had (or maybe they're even just making up) and all the knowledge that they have. And all that does is aggravate the people who have been there a long time, it doesn't impress them at all, and it turns them off. And then that poor rookie ends up really getting a bad reputation for being a know-it-all. So we don't want to be like the rookie firefighter who doesn't fit in.
Sheri 12:39
These are the things that we recommend that you do try to get rid of imposter syndrome. And again, a lot of this is coming from the verywellmind.com website, but I'm going to throw in my own two cents for each one. I have nine suggestions for you to get rid of imposter syndrome, or at least keep it at bay.
Sheri 13:02
Number one, share your feelings. Talk to other people about how you are feeling; these irrational beliefs tend to fester when they are hidden and not talked about. And it's especially great if you have a trusted friend who's also an entrepreneur, maybe a group of friends who are entrepreneurs because there is a really great chance that they've felt this as well. And they will probably remind you of why you are amazing and not an imposter and why you belong in the situation you are in, that you're worthy of being there. So talk to some trusted friends and especially those who know you well, and support you, and if you're an entrepreneur that are entrepreneurs as well.
Sheri 13:51
Number two, focus on others. While this might feel counterintuitive, try to help others in the same situation as you. If you see someone who seems awkward or alone, ask that person a question to bring them into a group. As you practice your skills, you will build confidence in your own abilities. And I feel like this approach is a great approach to anything, because when we could be others-focused, it's always the best cure for our own insecurities to take the light and shine it on others and not ourselves, which will boost our own self esteem naturally, and we are also helping other people build their self esteem. So focus on others.
Sheri 14:37
Number three, assess your abilities. If you have long-held beliefs about your incompetence in social and performance situations, make a realistic assessment of your abilities. Write down your accomplishments and what you're good at, and compare that with your self assessment. I would also add in here, write down the things that you've done well in the past, What have you overcome? What were you known for? When did you feel most successful? Remind yourself of when you were awesome.
Sheri 15:11
Number four, take baby steps. Don't focus on doing things perfectly, but rather, do things reasonably well and reward yourself for taking action. For example, in a group conversation, offer an opinion or share a story about yourself, but don't be the rookie firefighter we talked about. Don't try to prove yourself, just add a little bit to the conversation in a normal, not weird way. So just add in a little bit of you, start taking the baby steps.
Sheri 15:48
Number five, question your thoughts as you start to assess your abilities and take baby steps. Question whether your thoughts are rational. Does it make sense that you are a fraud, giving everything that you know? And do you think this because of what someone else said? So a lot of times, I feel like we fall into this imposter syndrome because one person says something to us, and it throws us in this downward spiral. And the best thing to do then is really look at who was that person who even said that? Do you even care what they think of you? What are they doing in their life? Is there judgment worthy of you getting yourself in this tizzy of imposter syndrome? And why on earth are you letting that person have power over you? So assess why you are even thinking this thought; a lot of times it does stem from one person saying something that just sends us off.
Sheri 16:56
Number six, stop comparing. Every time you compare yourself to others in a social situation, you will find some fault with yourself that fuels the feeling of not being good enough or not belonging. Instead, during conversations, focus on listening to what the other person is saying, be genuinely interested in learning more. I love this. And, you know, there's the saying "people don't care how much you know, until they know how much you care." And I want you to think for a minute, have you ever met somebody in a social situation, maybe at a party or a networking event, and you have the best conversation with them, like you leave there, you are just on top of the world. And you just think oh my gosh, they were like the nicest person ever. And later, when you really think about it, what you realize is they didn't even really talk. What they did is they listen to you, and they let you talk, they asked you questions about you, and your life, or your business, your family, whatever. And that's what makes people like people. So start to become that person; be that person in the social situation, be that person in the networking event, where you just ask the other person questions and let them talk, they are going to thank you, you are the most amazing person, and you barely say anything at all. It is an art to become that person. I will say that. So practice it; be a great listener.
Sheri 18:38
Number seven, use social media moderately, and this could be tied right in there with stop comparing. We know that the overuse of social media may be related to feelings of inferiority. I'm not even going to say that it may be related, it totally is related. If you try to portray an image on social media that doesn't match who you really are, or that is impossible to achieve, it will only make your feelings of being a fraud worse. And the thing with social media, we've heard this before, is that you are comparing your faults with somebody else's highlight reel. Most of the time all we show on social media is our highlight reel. And there's reasons we do that. I mean, we don't want to start showing all of our faults. We don't want to show all of our dirty laundry. Nobody wants to see that. But remember, the person showing the highlight reel has dirty laundry too. So you know, just keep it real. Keep it in perspective. If you are feeling like social media is starting to become a negative in your life and it causes you anxiety to sign on, because you get into that comparison syndrome, I highly recommend that you sign off for a few days, possibly a few weeks. I've known some people who did a month sabbatical, and they said it was the best thing ever. The other thing you can do is hide people. Now I have even hidden some of my best friends. When I was actively pursuing huge goals in network marketing, I had a couple of friends that were at similar places, but they might have been just doing a little better or a little different than I was. Maybe we were both doing well, but they just were doing it a different way. Because they have a different personality than I have. So it looked different. I had to hide them. Because otherwise I fell into comparison syndrome, and I would try to be more like them than being myself. And that doesn't serve anybody. And I told him - because we were real friends, like in real life friends - just so you know, I'm hiding you for a few weeks. I can't see what you're doing, because I start comparing. So hide people if you have to, you can tell them or not (depends on who they are) but really evaluate is social media serving you right now, or do you need to take a sabbatical from it? It's totally okay.
Sheri 21:21
Number eight, stop fighting your feelings. Here we go again, it's back to the thoughts and feelings. Don't fight the feelings of not belonging. Instead, try to lean into them and accept them. It's only when you acknowledge them that you can start to unravel those core beliefs that are holding you back. So really dive into that, why are you feeling that way? Figure it out, do some thinking about that, and do some journaling, You knew that was going to come, right? Somewhere or another I have to fit in journaling.
Sheri 21:50
Okay, number nine, refuse to let it hold you back. No matter how much you feel like you don't belong. Don't let that stop you from pursuing your goals. Keep going and refuse to be stopped. You're meant to share your gifts, go share.
Sheri 22:10
I'm going to finish with two last thoughts I have on imposter syndrome. Number one, as a reminder, it happens to all of us occasionally, even extremely successful people have imposter syndrome occasionally. So it's totally normal. And sometimes we just need to know that what we're feeling is normal. But don't stay there. Don't let it overwhelm you. And like we just said, Don't let it stop you. And number two, remember, God made you with unique gifts and talents, and also with some quirks and some flaws. But together they make up you. And the world needs you to share your gifts and talents. There are people out there who will be your people, and they're going to love you because of your gifts and talents, and because of your quirks and flaws. So you need to embrace it all. That's how God designed you. And remember, you are enough. You are enough when you wake up in the morning. Remind yourself "I am enough" when imposter syndrome is starting to creep in pause and say "No, wait, I am enough." When you go into bed at night, remind yourself "I am enough" like that is the best thing you can do. So I really hope that all of this has helped you and is getting you through when life starts to feel overwhelming, and you have that mental chaos and that clutter in your brain. That these things that we've been sharing will help clear that clutter. And I really think this one especially, because imposter syndrome is real; we all feel it.
Sheri 24:07
Thanks my friends for listening. And as always, I would love to hear from you. Did this resonate with you? What are your thoughts on it? Because, I gotta tell ya, one of the hardest things about podcasting is there's nobody doing a like, there's nobody sending loves. There's no hearts flying. It's kind of lonely. And I think that's why as podcasters, sometimes we suffer from that imposter syndrome as I shared earlier. But here's what you can do to help me with that. If you enjoyed today's show, leave me a review. That means so much to me when you do that, and it also means a lot to iTunes, like I shared before. It tells them that this podcast is worth others listening to. The other thing you could do is, if this show resonated with you and you think others would find it of value, share it on your social media and of course tag me in it. I would love to just see who's loving what I'm sharing and how it's helping you in your business life and in your personal life. But as always, thank you for being a listener of the Uncharted Entrepreneurs podcast. I truly appreciate it.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
